#chronicpain #rant - .
Okay. I am really frustrated with my #stiff and #achy hands! I am planning to see a #rheumatologist at some point to definitively explain this stiff joints shit. Until recently, I assumed that all of my joint pain was the same as my sister's because I am #hypermobile and can nearly dislocate my shoulders, hips, and ankles as if they are too weak to stay in the sockets and I have always been able to #dislocate my thumbs. A lot of it matches the #ehlersdanlossyndrome that my sister has. My stiff joints that are worse (by a lot) in the cold, however, aren't something that goes along with #EDS, but it is what my mother's #arthritis feels like. I'm incredibly angry with my body!! The type of pain that my hands (and to a lesser extent, my shoulders) get isn't even too bad; I'd normally be able to just ignore it! Its the damned persistence of it that I hate and end up crying over. Its like when my bad ankles flare up, a 3, 4, or 5 pain level scale of 1-10 but it never goes away for a second so its impossible to ignore!
Honestly, I am extremely frustrated that mild pain and discomfort makes doing things I need/want to do so difficult... I struggle with crocheting, writing in my journal (which isn't helpful with my mental illnesses), carry small objects around my house, etc. I have had this same shit for the past couple of years, but it was mild enough to hardly interrupt my life most days. This winter, my chronicpain hit me like a truck! I assume that I'm just getting old when it comes to most of my #pain, realistically (I'll be 29 in February). But there are also so many chronic illnesses in my family, even if I only go by my sister's illnesses specifically (her genetic illness markers are a cluster fuck that doctors only have a semi accurate answer for). Not knowing for sure why my body seems to hate me is aggravating. I feel like a weak little bitch!
I hate that I take so much advil to function. Between joint pain, back pain (hopefully a breast reduction will help that a bit), and #migraines, at the least, I tend to take it rather frequently - especially with the cold weather. At least my mum says heat should help my stiff joints too.