I don’t know if it’s age but increasingly, I share less about the stark reality of my daily challenges. I’m having a rare moment of “ok let’s be real” right now but it probably won’t last long and I will need to gather some mental strength to not delete this post tomorrow.
The last few months have been really, really trying.
Professionally, I’ve taken on a role that is my most challenging to date. My imposter syndrome tendency returned once again. All I know is I have a voice and a will to champion connections and stories but I’m not always confident that those alone are enough for this job.
Personally, I’m trying to be the best caretaker of a loved one who’s been suffering from depression for years.
But I know what I’ve been trying to be and give haven’t been enough and every time I hear a loud sudden sound around me, I fear that’s cos my loved one has decided to drop dead.
While at the same time, my constant challenge in my 30s has always been to love my stepkids more and judge less. I’m getting better but I still don’t think I’m great.
My new job has put me in a public spotlight that I didn’t specifically ask for. But I know it comes with the job. And with the public spotlight comes meanness. Mostly, of course, from people who don’t even really know me.
To the keyboard warrior who commented I can’t speak English properly and because of that, I’m too much of an embarrassment to be an editor of a magazine: truth is I couldn’t speak English till I was 7 years old and it’s always been a chip on my shoulders that I had such a late start.
To the person who said you’ll never consider my stepkids as potential godkids cos you don’t consider them as my kids as they didn’t come from my womb, just to be clear, I’d never ask.
And the one who said I “had no business being in PFW”, I was just there doing my job. I’m not there to declare war on anyone so there’s no need to play mean-girls’ games or give me a high-school nickname just cos I’d bleached my hair blonde.
All I really want to keep the people I love alive. If you know this about me, will you still conscientiously be mean?
Please. Can we all just #BeKind to one another? We need more love, not hatred.