Lately, all days are full of work. I blink and the day is closing in around me. I was in a blind dance of meeting needs, affirming experiences, assisting with emotional regulation, and being the embodiment of peace and safe harbor when I fold around them. My legs the anchor. That holds them at bay. Negotiations and collaboration leave me windless and blank. I sit for a moment, but there is another beckoning. I barely pick up my phone; can hardly remember to respond to that text message from last week...and I waffle over whether sending it at 1am is appropriate. Right. No, it’s not...but it takes me a second. I don’t mind that I am not glued to my phone, but I feel like there are so many glorious moments slipping by every day unmentioned, unwritten; with no record for my heart later to revisit. So I write what little that I can in the dark corner of this king sized bed...the glow I imagine that illuminates my face must be something comforting to Fern. She wakes to blearily use the bathroom. She smiles a small, dreamy smile and she gently rubs my bare back; her hand tucked at the back of my shirt as she’s laying her head on my shoulders...her toes just grazed the space just beneath my knee. Her legs now perched on top of my midsection as I write. I’m making notes on the podcast I’m listening to on how I can approach tomorrow in even more peaceful ways. This work demands all and for a perfectionist, it has been a reckoning for me. I am coming undone, unraveling my own triggers and researching new methods and ways of affirming each little, lovely developmental stage. But something that really caught me in the last podcast I listened to (can’t even track down which one)...is this note I wrote, “This is about the larger picture...see past the moment. There will be times we can skip the things that our children are most rejecting when they’re really disregulated , in order to maintain our overall relationship and bond.” When it comes to your unraveling, it’s there you soften. You uncoil you’re rage and you love. Give up the fight and choose to try again tomorrow. Because it all comes down to the larger picture of that sacred interweaving of spirit; bond of blood+ soul.